Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize