half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
