I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
