I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
