you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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