TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
