why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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