You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
