she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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