Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh god it's open bar.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
