let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
