Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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