I think I am morally bankrupt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
