There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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