you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
