Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
