I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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