Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
