i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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