I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
