I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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