We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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