i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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