i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
