just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
