I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so let's talk penis.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize