I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
