my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
