oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
