i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
