its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
