I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize