i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
