White coat. Heels.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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