he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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