I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
