Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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