GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
