omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
