Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
