facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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