how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
