I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
