i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
