And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize