he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
