no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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