its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
