if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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