I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
