he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
