This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize