sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
