Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
