I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
