Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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