My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize