well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
