It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize