Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
