i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
