ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
