I am puke
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
