You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
