I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
