I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
