My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize