I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
