dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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