Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would ride that face into the sunset
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
