yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
