I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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