tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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