I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
