I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
