I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
