eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
