its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
