I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i now understand why vodka
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
