im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How does one acquire holy water?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
